Put the SIZZLE and the SEXY Back in Your Marriage!

Being There for Each Other

Thinking about the special man in my life, this sentiment came to my heart, worthy of sharing with others on what two people who love each other should have…

“We all need someone to be there to cheer us on,
pick us up when we are down,
straighten us out when we are wrong,
and just love on us when we need it most.”

Strive to be that to each other, and see God bless your marriage and relationships.

Arousing Aromas

We are all well aware of how the five senses come into play in our sexual experiences.  A particularly interesting study regarding the sense of SMELL and arousal was too interesting not to post.   In a study conducted by Alan Hirsch at the Smell and Taste Research Foundation, Chicago, Illinois found that aromas reported to be most sexually arousing were the following:

For Women…  Women were most sexually aroused by the aromas of licorice, cucumbers (that explains the mass number of cucumber-melon scented body lotions, right ladies?), and banana nut bread (get to baking dudes!!).

For Men…  Men were most sexually aroused by the aromas of lavender, pumpkin pie (lucky for us ladies, Thanksgiving is just around the corner and pumpkin everything is plentiful!), and let’s not forget — donuts (who would have thought???).

So the next time you are planning to get down and get naked, try infusing your room ahead of time with one of these “arousing aromas”.

T. G. F. T.!!

That stands for Thank Goodness for Toys!  Ever had a middle of the day arousal?  Spouse not there?  Play it adventurous and get yourself a toy!

Adult sex “Toys” are ideal for giving yourself relief in a safe and respectful environment.  Rather than let the tension build (in body, mind and atmosphere), exploring your own body through masturbation can be a good thing.

Masturbation (when not used to avoid intimacy with your spouse) can be a positive and healthy thing to do for your body.  Each orgasm, whether for men or women, statistically improves your health.  In fact, the more frequent the orgasms, the more it helps your body.  Just 3 orgasms per week can reduce a man’s risk of prostate cancer by as much as 50%, and for women it can reduce their risk of heart attack.   Just to name a couple health benefits.  Orgasms also relieve stress and improve your “mood”.

The fact is, your spouse may not always be available when arousal happens.  If you haven’t already started a “toy box”, perhaps now is the time!  Fill it with lube, vibrating and non-vibrating toys, massage lotion, and more.

Today I say, T.G.F.T!!   Create your own “emergency orgasm kit” today…  http://loveinmotionusa.com/

Lube It Up!

Want to know a secret to more pleasurable sex?  Try a good lube!  While it is true, during arousal our bodies produce natural lubrication, sometimes it’s not enough.  Especially for women, as you get older, it may be more difficult for your body to produce sufficient lubrication to enjoy intercourse fully.  Multiple orgasms and lovemaking sessions within a short period of time can also cause vaginal dryness. Plus, for masturbation (male or female) a good lube is always recommended!

Having the right lubricant nearby is the solution.  Lubes come in three main formulations – Water-based (good all purpose lube), silicone-based (ideal for lovemaking in water or anal exploration), and oil-based (works for vaginal and anal sex – but tends to wash off less easily).  Some lubes are flavored for oral sex and some are not.  One of our most popular lubes is the Juice Me lube.   It’s water-based, and comes in a ton of yummy, lickable favors!  The larger size will last you awhile.   It’s concentrated and goes a long way.  (See http://loveinmotionusa.com/shop/category/lubricants-gels-and-creams/edible/ for ordering details).

For more details on choosing the right lube, read this… http://loveinmotionusa.com/toy-basics-101/.

Creating a “wet” environment makes the nerve endings more sensitive and will increase your level of pleasure.  These days, lubes are pretty portable and come in convenient sizes that you can tuck in a purse or pocket.  Don’t let lack of lubrication and body friction stop you from enjoying sex with your spouse.  Lube it up!

 

Totally Sexy… A Booty Tattoo!

Hey ladies, looking for something totally sexy to do for your man?  Here’s a red hot tip that will definitely spice things up in the bedroom… get a booty tattoo!    Now don’t freak out at the thought if you have never done anything this risky.   There are what are called “henna” tattoos, which are completely temporary and are gone after a couple days to two weeks, depending on the ink and your bathing habits.

The nice thing about a booty tattoo is that it is there just for your man to see.   So he will know you did it for him.  Get creative, or, like the picture shown, do something he can’t resist…  tattoo his name on your body!   Now I would not suggest that with a permanent tattoo, but for the temps, it’s sure to intensify the fire!
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Who knows, after wearing it, you might find it so sexy you want to go permanent with a symbol, slogan, or design that is unique and special to you.   Just make sure if you consider going permanent, that you choose a tattoo you can live with for the rest of your life.  It is in fact, permanent.

What design to choose?   Surf the internet and come up with some ideas to take to your local tattoo shop.   The artists can then assist you with creating a design unique to you, based on the concepts you have brought them.    Many do free consultations to help you with this process.

Ask around among others who have had tattoos done to make sure you find someone reputable.   Then take a visit and get the process started!   Once you nail down the design, you can then make your appointment to have the tattoo artistically created on your body.   Not pain free of course, but so worth it for the long-term super sexy value added!

Do something different!   Venture out of that neat little conventional sex box and get your sexy on with a booty tattoo!   He will love it!!

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Marriage Has It’s Basic Needs. Do You Know Them?

It’s been on my heart now for awhile to write about this.   I believe that marriages can be touched and lives can be changed going back to some basic realization about human needs and incorporating that philosophy into our love relationships – especially the relationship with our spouse.

Abraham Maslow, a great psychologist, came up with a handy, dandy chart representing the needs of mankind – crossing all cultural barriers and delving into the very core of human nature.   If you have ever taken a psychology class, you may know it from college as “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”.   It looks like this:

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In a healthy marriage, your spouse is a major contributor to meeting these five most basics needs of life.  At the bottom of the pyramid, our needs are greatest.   That is why it is bigger than the rest.   As we progress to the top, those needs build on the needs that were first fulfilled beneath it.   So you can see that physical needs are our first concern.   We must first have food, water, etc. before we move on to concern for the next level of need.   Notice that on this chart, sex is included as a basic physical or physiological need.  It is not optional, it is essential to how we were created.

Progressing up the chart (or pyramid), we then move to safety needs.  After our physical needs are met, we are next concerned about safety.   Safety involves many things, but in marriage, it means that you come home and function in an environment where you feel safe with your spouse and that you feel secure and protected by them.   Isn’t it interesting to see that sex comes first, and then we think about safety?  Probably why so many affairs happen.   Safety also involves your physical property, knowing you have a home to come home to.  This is why those in threat of losing their home experience dysfunction in other areas of their marriage (at higher levels of the pyramid).   If the very essence of your survival is threatened, it is more difficult to get past the more social and emotional issues.

Moving up, we see Love/Belonging.   Once our physical needs are met, and we feel safe, we then seek affection and to feel loved.  Notice again, sex is on the chart!   So not only does sex fulfill a basic physical need as human beings, but it plays a double role in fulfilling our need to be loved and feel like we belong.   Wow!   No wonder we have so many problems in our society surrounding sex!   Your spouse is designed by God to meet this physical and love need.   This ”bonding”  is essential to your marriage and vital to you moving up the pyramid.

When we feel loved, we can then move on to being confident, gain and give respect, and set and reach goals.  It is interesting to note that we cannot get to this level until the first three have been achieved.  Certainly there are examples of human beings that have deviated from this chart, defied the odds, and succeeded despite unfortunate circumstances, but those seem to be the exceptions and not how we as humans function as a whole.   Esteem comes after you feel love, after you feel safe, after your basic physical needs are met.

At the top of the pyramid you are now able to think clearly, be creative, solve problems, and focus on what is morally right.   So being deprived in your marriage of any of the basic needs is a pretty big deal!  Hopefully, this chart can help you put things in perspective and give you a new look at how to solve problems you may be facing in your marriage.

It is common for couples to stop or reduce sexual activity in times of conflict.   But based on what we know about human needs and behavior, doing this will impact both you and your spouse on two major areas of basic human need – physical and love/belonging.   And that can’t be a good thing!

Instead of pulling away from each other, we should be looking for ways to increase the intimacy, increase the feelings of love/belonging, and increase the amount of sex happening in our marriage!

It is not fair or reasonable to expect a good marriage when you are not meeting the basic needs of your spouse.   You can only look the other way for so long until the pyramid begins to crumble.  Do you need to rebuild your relationship?  Start at the bottom of the pyramid and work your way up!  Ask yourself, “How can I meet this need for my spouse?”

While we do have responsibility for ourselves in many aspects, God put our spouse in our life to be our partner, and we are not supposed to climb this pyramid alone.  You cannot begin to address issues at the top of the pyramid until you look at what is happening at the bottom.   That is your foundation.   Build a solid foundation first, and you can then stack the bricks one at a time upward until all of your needs are being met and you reach a level of contentment that is pleasing to both of you.

Maslow did not segregate this chart based on gender.   It applies to both women and men.  How we go about meeting these needs may vary between the sexes, but having them met is key.  Let’s start there and we will be on our way to a more satisfying and fulfilling marriage, as God intended it to be.

I say, how about you bring home some Chinese food, eat it in bed, have some great sex, work up a thirst, drink that big glass of water next to the bed, take some deep relaxing breaths, hit the bathroom for a quick potty break, and then snooze like a bear!   That should take care of pillar one.  At least for the day, right?

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Dealing with Differences in Sexual Desire: Welcome to “Toys”

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I am often talking with women and men about the difference in sexual desire that exists between a husband and wife, and how those desires can be better balanced.

First let me say that if you are married, you have a biblical mandate to meet the physical needs of your spouse.  Regardless of whatever your day has been like, stress or no stress, kids or no kids, work or no work – your spouse has physical needs that are designed by God to be met by you.   Because of the marital commitment, you cannot in good conscience seek sexual fulfillment outside the marriage, and you should not have to.   People fall into temptation and commitments are compromised when one spouse rejects and/or ignores the others sexual needs.   As human beings, we can only go so long being deprived of love, affection and physical release through sexual activity (speaking to those of us who are not virgins and have had sex before).   God intends for your spouse to meet every need in this way, and to do so lovingly.

Whether you are a husband or a wife, it is important to talk with your spouse to know what pleases them.   To get to know their body and to find ways to stimulate them in ways unique to your relationship.   You need to make sex joyful and pleasurable for both of you.  You can mix it up with location, add some lotions and potions, play with some “toys”, and vary the length of your lovemaking sessions.   Maybe a 15 minute quickie one day, a two hour pampering and bonding session when you have more concentrated time alone.

Regardless of how it all comes together for you both, understand you are not to neglect your spouse’s needs.   To do so is detrimental to the health of your marriage and will drive your partner away from you.

Talk about your needs with each other.   Make your spouse aware you want them.   Give them the choice to desire you back.   If you are continually met with rejection, it may signify deeper problems in your marriage that require professional help.   But even those who have problems in marriage should not stop having sex.   In fact, doing so will escalate your problems, not diminish them.   You do not want to drive your spouse into the arms of another by withholding sex.   It’s wrong.   And it has been scientifically proven to have adverse affects on your physical health, not to mention emotional damages.

If you are having sex with your spouse with frequency, but you are still finding that one of you has a much higher sex drive, you need to find a way to bridge that gap.  Introducing romance products into the bedroom experience can help – also known as “sex toys”.   If you have never used a sex toy before, maybe never even seen one – it may be time to venture out of that box and explore a little!

The use of sex toys can bring necessary physical relief when your spouse just cannot meet your sexual needs.   Maybe they are on a business trip, away from home, or simply not available when those hormones kick in and start raging!   Even if they are home, there may be viable reasons why your spouse is not available at that moment to release you (not being “in the mood” is unacceptable if you are married).  In circumstances when your spouse cannot meet your physical need for sex, reach for a toy!

There are many types of sex toys available.   For men, there are masturbation sleeves, anal plugs/beads, lubricants, gels to make you stay hard longer, orgasm more intensely, and so forth.   For women, there are vibrators (a fake penis that buzzes and is battery powered), dildos (a fake penis with no vibration), anal plugs, lubricants, gels to make you orgasm faster, and even special creams and toys to reach that coveted “G” Spot for intense orgasms.   Couples toys are available also for those who want to play together – like cock rings to keep him hard longer with textures to reach her clitoris.   The possibilities are endless, and sex toys can add a new dimension to what happens in your bedroom and beyond.

Having sex with your spouse is always best – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  And it is healthiest for your relationship.   But when that is just not possible, and your sex drive is in overdrive, it’s time to get some toys.   Just make sure you keep them safely hidden and free from little hands and eyes!

Married Couple Sex Statistics

A recent study conducted by Redbook sited some interesting numbers about married couples and the frequency of sexual activity.   The question asked – “How many times a week do you have sex?”  See responses below:

12% reported having sex AT LEAST 7 TIMES PER WEEK
21% reported having sex 3 OR 4 TIMES PER WEEK
35% reported having sex ONCE OR TWICE PER WEEK
32% reported that they had sex A FEW TIMES A MONTH

Ouch!!  With the whole intimacy, bonding, lovemaking experience so vital to your health AND the health of your relationship, it’s no wonder we have problems!  We need to find ways to have MORE SEX with our spouse and to increase the pleasure in that experience so we will want to do it more!

If you need help in this area of your relationship, call us.   Whether it is coaching, arranging a speaker for your next women’s event, or buying products in a discreet manner – we want to help you get that SIZZLE and SEXY going!

Even if you are single, there are ways to manage that sexual appetite in a positive way.  Incidentally, another statistic showed that 25% of married couples have SEX-LESS marriages.  That’s even worse!   Eek!  NOT!!!

Sex is good, sex is a God idea, and you owe it to yourself to walk that path of intimate discovery.

Heart Health and Sex

In doing research for my next book on the health benefits of sex,  I have come across a vast amount of medical research that validates all the more reasons why we should all strive for an active and healthy sex life with the one we love.

For MEN (especially older men) – having sex and ejaculating 3 or more times per week reduces the risk of heart attack or stoke by 50%!

For WOMEN – the inability to reach orgasm has a negative impact on a woman’s heart as well.  65% of women patients who had experienced a heart attack reported having trouble with sex.

Ouch!  Time to stoke up that love machine, get that blood flowing, and that heart pumping!   More sex, healthier heart.  Gotta love THAT!

“An orgasm a day keeps the coroner away!”

What Was the Last Steamy Text Message You Sent?

Steamy text messages are a great way to get the fire started with your partner while he/she is at work during the day.  Build that anticipation up over a period of hours, and when they arrive home – you will have set the stage for a passionate interlude.

Not sure what to say?  Think TALK DIRTY!  Whatever words get your partner hot and bothered in person are likely to do the same over a text message. or at least get them thinking along those lines!

You might even try adding a hot and sexy photo of you in on that text message.  Be as erotic as you are comfortable with!  With most of us having a camera on our cell phones these days, that’s an often quick and easy addition to the message.

To turn up the heat, send a few text messages, build the anticipation, send another and add a photo or two, then have them begging for you!  Next step may be to slip away to a quiet spot alone to carry out a bit of phone sex – if your partner (or you!) really can’t wait!

A great way to add some SIZZLE into your relationship.  Especially for you women.. nothing turns a man on more than initiating sex from a distance.  Tease him, play with him, arouse him.   All by text (and a brief but intense bit of phone time!).

Suggestions on what to text?  Tell us if you are a man or a woman when you post a comment, and share what you would like to hear to get the juices flowing from viewing a text message!

Ladies:  Here’s an interesting (and so true!) TEXT, taken from the book Texts from Last Night by Lauren Leto and Ben Bater…

“90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina.”