Dealing with Differences in Sexual Desire: Welcome to “Toys”
I am often talking with women and men about the difference in sexual desire that exists between a husband and wife, and how those desires can be better balanced.
First let me say that if you are married, you have a biblical mandate to meet the physical needs of your spouse. Regardless of whatever your day has been like, stress or no stress, kids or no kids, work or no work – your spouse has physical needs that are designed by God to be met by you. Because of the marital commitment, you cannot in good conscience seek sexual fulfillment outside the marriage, and you should not have to. People fall into temptation and commitments are compromised when one spouse rejects and/or ignores the others sexual needs. As human beings, we can only go so long being deprived of love, affection and physical release through sexual activity (speaking to those of us who are not virgins and have had sex before). God intends for your spouse to meet every need in this way, and to do so lovingly.
Whether you are a husband or a wife, it is important to talk with your spouse to know what pleases them. To get to know their body and to find ways to stimulate them in ways unique to your relationship. You need to make sex joyful and pleasurable for both of you. You can mix it up with location, add some lotions and potions, play with some “toys”, and vary the length of your lovemaking sessions. Maybe a 15 minute quickie one day, a two hour pampering and bonding session when you have more concentrated time alone.
Regardless of how it all comes together for you both, understand you are not to neglect your spouse’s needs. To do so is detrimental to the health of your marriage and will drive your partner away from you.
Talk about your needs with each other. Make your spouse aware you want them. Give them the choice to desire you back. If you are continually met with rejection, it may signify deeper problems in your marriage that require professional help. But even those who have problems in marriage should not stop having sex. In fact, doing so will escalate your problems, not diminish them. You do not want to drive your spouse into the arms of another by withholding sex. It’s wrong. And it has been scientifically proven to have adverse affects on your physical health, not to mention emotional damages.
If you are having sex with your spouse with frequency, but you are still finding that one of you has a much higher sex drive, you need to find a way to bridge that gap. Introducing romance products into the bedroom experience can help – also known as “sex toys”. If you have never used a sex toy before, maybe never even seen one – it may be time to venture out of that box and explore a little!
The use of sex toys can bring necessary physical relief when your spouse just cannot meet your sexual needs. Maybe they are on a business trip, away from home, or simply not available when those hormones kick in and start raging! Even if they are home, there may be viable reasons why your spouse is not available at that moment to release you (not being “in the mood” is unacceptable if you are married). In circumstances when your spouse cannot meet your physical need for sex, reach for a toy!
There are many types of sex toys available. For men, there are masturbation sleeves, anal plugs/beads, lubricants, gels to make you stay hard longer, orgasm more intensely, and so forth. For women, there are vibrators (a fake penis that buzzes and is battery powered), dildos (a fake penis with no vibration), anal plugs, lubricants, gels to make you orgasm faster, and even special creams and toys to reach that coveted “G” Spot for intense orgasms. Couples toys are available also for those who want to play together – like cock rings to keep him hard longer with textures to reach her clitoris. The possibilities are endless, and sex toys can add a new dimension to what happens in your bedroom and beyond.
Having sex with your spouse is always best – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. And it is healthiest for your relationship. But when that is just not possible, and your sex drive is in overdrive, it’s time to get some toys. Just make sure you keep them safely hidden and free from little hands and eyes!